This is not my ceiling
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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