new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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