ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Apparently you make a good broom.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
