Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
