So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
