the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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