you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
