New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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