dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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