I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
