you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
