would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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