They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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