this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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