3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
