And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
