3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
