If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
