escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
