Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
