i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
