sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
