If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
