you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
