Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
