also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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