Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
