Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
