There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
