You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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