My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
