i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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