haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
