dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
