I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
