I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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