im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
