You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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