Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
