he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
