I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
