Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
