I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
