I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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