i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
