i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
