you guys were way drunker than both of me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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