I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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