I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
