i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
