I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
