come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Say something about gay babies.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
