"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't think brook has ever known best
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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