Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
