Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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