I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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