drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
