I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
