i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
