I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
