I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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