he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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