You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
