oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
