swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
