if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
